I struggle with self-worth. I heard somewhere once that we choose our dragons. I am so grateful that this is mine. I live a life so lovely, that I struggle with feeling like I deserve it.
(Harry Potter Reference Warning:)
I love Harry Potter. December is my favorite time of the year, in part, because December is when I start re-reading Harry Potter. (Because Hogwarts=Christmas to me.) I notice something new every time. I was out of town, taking a bubble bath in a hotel tub when the beautiful detail of Nevill’s broken wand touched my heart. You see, Nevill has always lived in the former glory of his father. He had also inherited his father’s want, which broke during the fight for the Prophecy. In that moment, Nevill was free.
Total side moment.
Anyway, my point is that this Rowling’s prophecy leaves room for choice. Voldermort chose Harry. Just like we choose our problems. Of all the problems to have, this one’s cake. Still, one day I want to be a mom. I don’t want my son or daughter to struggle with thier own self-doubt because I never faced mine.
This theory helped me along that journey. I am hoping that sharing it with you will help you along yours.
Pots, Pans, Lids, and Worth
When we are born, we are born with a metaphorical set of pots and pans with factory-perfect lids.
However, as we live our life, those lids get damaged. Intentionally, accidentally, or otherwise. Sometimes we lose our lids or have them stolen from us. We need these lids. They prevent steam from burning those around us. In this clumsy metaphor, the steam is our emotion, our impulses, and other things that drive our behavior before we realize it.
If we want to be on the stove with all of the other pots and pans, we need lids. Some of us have experiences that enable us to build new lids. Sometimes those lids are elegant in their redesign, and sometimes those lids are functional, but not exactly pretty. Sometimes those lids aren’t functional.
Think about someone you have a conflict with. Now imagine that they have done the best with what they have. Imagine that you can see their poorly constructed lid. Imagine that all of their quirks and words, whether cruel or benign, are just steam escaping from that poorly constructed lid.
I have always felt separate, and apart. Ironically, I am not alone.
However, when this thought came to me, I had so much gratitude swell up in me because my take away was this.
Yes, my lids are a work in progress. But, they are functional.
Imperfect and Functioning
I’m imperfect, but I am a functioning set of pots and pans. I have sculpted my lids so that they don’t let steam blow everywhere. This was such an exciting idea because it pointed me in a new direction. A direction of self-care. Now that my lids are functional, I am ready to do the work to make them beautiful.
Because I deserve beautiful lids, and so do you.
You’re Not Alone
If you struggle with worth or confidence, you are not alone. Find your tribe and they will invigorate you.
I have found the following books and YouTube channels that I have found to be the most transformative. These links are not affiliated, just my offering.